rajafacesbothways

An Even Playing Field

Blah Busters

Bashing the dark days and darker news with the following;

Pre-Code Hollywood films (late 20's-early 30's) when women were women and used what it took to survive the Depression. (Usually sex on poor dumb boys--except Dick Powell who sang his way through it all) Watched Night Nurse (1931) with Barbara Stanwyck, Joan Blondell and Clark Gable. (dir. William Wellman). I can identify all those old film stars but have NO idea who the famous faces are in People Magazine.

I Remember Nothing --Nora Ephron (2010) A humorous light read on growing older (she is 69) that I can relate to since almost all my nouns have taken flight like birds before an approaching tsunami.

High Low Party--given by friend Juilee. Everyone required to bring an example of each. The imprint of the Virgin Mary on slices of toast, box wine, Pimento cheese bought at a small town gas station store and a Gingerbread oven mitt where the hand fits inside the gingerbread man's butt were the lows.

Or were those the highs? I can't remember.

 

Carnival Crack

 "Carnival crack" based on Festival of the Horse observations:

FUNNEL CAKES!

One has to seek out a secluded area to avoid the powder blowing away..

You emerge with a white substance all over your face...

You may have to return to your source a couple of times in order to maintain the "high" you are seeking.

ZHC Disease

My family suffers from ZHC--aka Zany Humor Condition. Below are two examples gathered on my trip north:

This is a gate to Catman's front garden. Since the rest of the fence is non-existent, it is no wonder the Unicorns escaped.

Below is a tee shirt my nephew, Bobby-Bob designed for me. We call him Bobby-Bob to distinguish from his Dad, another brother, who is just plain Bob.

Virgin Territory

Ah! Ha! I've figured out where all the awaiting virgins promised to suicide bombers would come from, when these fanatics reached eternity. I've heard estimates of 70 to 100 women promised to each young man.

Based on the book I'm reading (review soon) a lot of nuns were theoretically stashed in eternal heaven during the Middle Ages where I assume virginity was a requirement. If those suicidal nuts knew the rewarding virgins were really old Catholic nuns, this enticement could lose its luster.

Do the math. Virgins are not made in heaven, in any sense. Nuns must abound there. This could really diminish Al Quada's marketing program. I think of it as religion's best revenge.

Or maybe just pure economics of supply and demand.

Dis-Arming the Taliban

Each morning it's a struggle to emerge from the warmth of flannel sheets into the cold.

May I suggest:

Air drops of flannel sheets to the Taliban hidden in the mountains of Afghanistan. Once they crawl into the  comfy of flannel sheets it will curb their enthusiasm to crawl out, hunker in the frozen terrain and attack  our troops.

Might also work with al queda if a virgin is included between the sheets.

Remember, you heard it here first.

Blame It On the Zebra

Living alone I have had no one to blame for anything that goes wrong here except myself. Until now!

In the novel The Art of Racing in the Rain, Enzo, the dog placed all blames on a stuffed zebra. Therefore during my sister's visit we began condemning an imaginary zebra for anything out of order. And last week, she sent me this zebra as a gift.

Enzo was right! The Zebra has hid my keys twice, ate an important list, Spilled my coffee, froze my computer and keeps scattering my shoes from room to room.

He lives on my computer table and watches with a look of total innocence. Cute lil' fukker, ain't he!

Gotcha!

My family has many pranksters. Since my sister tried to disclaim a recently discovered distant cousin, a vendor at the Cleveland Indians games, it was only natural that she'd be presented with a pillow of him at the clam-bam.

Look closely. Isn't that Bernie Madoff in the background?

Naw--the nephew who created it put him there.

Only in America

"Joe the Plumber", who isn't really named Joe and doesn't have a full plumber's license in Ohio now has a P.R. team, is talking about launching a Country Music career, a possible political career and a book deal. There are now Joe the Plumber tee-shirts for sale. Good for him. I hope he makes lots of money--well over $250,000 which will put him in a higher income tax bracket, making his big concern a reality.

After all, Thomas the Train made it big as did Mickey the Mouse and Donald the Duck.

Love Thy Neighbor

Saw a bumper sticker reminding me to "Love Thy Neighbor" and got to thinking --would I want any of the following people as my neighbor?
1. Martin Luther King--  marching around his yard at night, shouting, "I have a dream."
2. Jesus--a barefoot, long-haired fisherman, hanging out with a dozen of hippie looking buddies
3. Benjamin Franklin--partying with sexy french women and flying kites in storms
4.  Gandhi--neglecting his property, constantly wandering off on guilt trips
5.  Joan d'Arc--a short haired cross dresser, clanging about in armor, entertaining roving bands of soldiers

Hmm. This is what happens to my mind when KY ice, Indiana snow and Chicago sub zero temps keep me confined to my neighborhood.